Joshua Caldwell
May 14, 2018 21:45
I was in the gym taking selfies. So many selfies when suddenly it dawned on me: Because all the walls are covered in mirrors so if you stand in just the right place you can see the reflection of your reflection. In other words, the opposite of how one normally sees themselves, but how the rest of the world sees them always. I'm no longer sure who I even am. Talk about an existential crisis.
I dealt with this crisis the way any adult man would. I went and hid in the bathroom. Which was totally fine, I give the bathrooms 4 stars on their hideability rating, but then I washed my hands and...attempted to dry them using the provided paper towel roll. It is a perforated roll loaded into perforating dispenser. So the maximum amount of paper towel that is ever dispensed is a 1 by 1 inch square. This experience ranks slightly above trying to clean up a spilled mountain dew with toilet paper. But barely. This whole problem could have been avoided if they put a sign on the paper towel dispenser saying, "make sure hands are completly dry before attempting to use this paper towel dispenser. Set feet to 3 and 6 o'clock and bend slightly at the knees and pull the paper exactly perpendicular to the floor at no more than one newton with force originating in the core." Simple solution to the wrong paper being being sadisticly loaded into the dispenser.
A few other tidbits about this place: the clientel is different depending on the time of day. Just before sunrise=cops and people training in earnest for something. Just after sunrise= retirees morning= stay at home mom's and second shifters around noon=college students and the guys who work out for lunch afternoon=hapless millenials early evening is a zoo=beefed up maniacs chest bumping everybody, women in full on makeup going .7mph on the treadmill. Afterward comes the world's slowest runner and the guy who takes 40 minutes of vape breaks.
All and all, it's a good place.